Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Bun in the oven

I am pregnant.
I've said it.
I am pregnant.
How does that sound?
That sounds just amazing...incredible, scary, beautiful, wonderful...all of those things.
But how long will it last?
Who knows?
But I've got a hell of a lot of hope and enormous love around me to make it very possible.
I am now part of a very select group of people on the planet who know the exact time of conception. Well, not exactly conception, but pretty soon after...
2.15pm on Wednesday March 31.
The scientist came in and had a chat to me before the embryo transfer happened this afternoon.
Of the 16 eggs harvested, 12 fertilised - I think I mentioned that last time - and by today, eight had kept on dividing and showed signs of life (four started dividing, but didn't continue for a range of reasons).
So I had one very healthy one returned to its womb-y home today and we have seven others "on ice".
Apparently that first cab off the rank was an A-grade double-divide cell or something jargony. I asked what it meant and was told it was "near to the top" in terms of quality.
So, then, in it went...
Doc and the nurse had done 16 other embryo transfers today thanks to the pre-Easter rush, but they still managed to be genuinely happy when wishing me well - and wishing me pregnant. I could see it in their eyes...
So much so that I broke into tears as soon as I was in the change room with the door closed.
But I put my hand on my belly and said a little prayer for my little one and just told it to be strong and make a nice home there for the next nine months (and to, please, not make me too sick) - and now I'm crying again just writing about that moment!
Now, a strange assortment of emotions has descended upon me.
Firstly, I am afraid of being upright for too long...and have in fact been lying on the couch for about the past two hours and will have to return there soon in case gravity works some evil trick.
Similarly, I am quite worried about going to the loo, walking or lifting any heavy objects for fear that tiny little embryo might suddenly shoot out into oblivion.
I did in fact consider calling for a wheelchair as soon as the transfer happened...and hereafter for the coming nine months, but then realised I hadn't really thought about the associated logistics (or prepared my arm muscles for the strength required).
Of course, completely irrational thoughts...but ones that nonetheless exist.
Apart from that, I am filled with total wonder at how it all happened - and so quickly - and again for what will happen next.
I am pregnant.
Please let me stay that way.

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