Moments

I have just filled out the application form that will see my name on Jay's birth certificate. *Like*

Momentous doesn't even cut it.

There I am, next to the sub-heading "parent". I cannot tell you how meaningful it is to go from nobody to somebody, even if that transformation exists simply in the clinical world of a Births, Deaths and Marriages filing cabinet.

If this is what equality tastes like, I want seconds please.

But it made me think of lots of other stuff. I am already a parent. A mum. Of course I am, have been for more than two years.

But it's funny when you are the "co-mother"...you feel a kind of infinitesimal distance from your own family. Kind of like a stepmum, or a dad who cannot break that umbilical bond between birth mother and child. Don't misunderstand me, this has not plunged me into a massive depression and it has done absolutely nothing to taint my relationship with Jay or T...but no one can deny that I have no biological link to this fabulous little person.

So what? I know. There are stepmums and carers and foster parents and single mums and single dads and all manner of definitions for the word parent. I know that. I am just telling you how a miniscule part of me feels.

But something like this birth certificate, as inconsequential as it sounds, is really quite profound.

So I am a parent, have been for more than two years. But I have never given birth.

So while I won't be a total wide-eyed innocent freaking out at every turn (much), my pregnancy will undoubtedly be different to T's...d'uh, it's mine, not hers! Haha.

The delirium in those first few months with our newborn will be tempered somewhat because I have been there before. To a degree.

Hell, when you are going through something as potentially scary as this, it pays to cling to whatever preparation you can get...it may be a flimsy piece of alfoil, but it's a kind of armour nonetheless.