Saturday, May 22, 2010

Inaugural IHAC meeting

Right then, could we all take our seats please.

I am honoured to be present at this, the inaugural meeting of IHAC: the I Hate Acronyms Club, Anal Annie Chapter. Among our first order of business shall be investigating improvements to our name, as the insinuation of hacking and the general anal area may be a little, shall we say, distasteful to a certain potential membership base. Plus, in a somewhat unfortunate and ironic outcome given the very reason for our being, there are approximately 4,372 other IHACs in the world. So I am guessing that domain name will be taken.

Well now, if you are partaking in a little IVF action, you will be well versed in these capital lettery conglomerations.

I guess it's to be expected, right? I mean, we are, after all, taking part in something that in my mind, is the queen bee of acronyms: IVF. Well it's at least more important than CSIRO, and certainly carries way more weight than, say, the CWA. It might be on a par with NASA, but it does not beat the UN. Nobody beats those guys in their little blue helmets, Ban Ki-Moon would just not have it. And Ban, or Ki-Moon (I have always been confused by which one of those Asian names comes's backwards, right? asked the arrogant Westerner), may I say - I adore your name. I swoon over the Moon. I am a Moon-swooner. And Ban Ki sounds like hanky, which sounds like panky, which all adds up to a name guaranteed to make you smile.

I must make it clear that the IHAC will not tolerate any moves by any splinter groups to get their rebellious, self-righteous VIP on and tell those acronyms to POQ ASAP. FYI, and IMHO, the WAO - that's the World Acronym Office (AKA: the global authority on these matters - will shut you down quicker than you can say ADHD.

Because I have CC'd the WAO CO, the COO and the CEO (and the 2IC in the US office in the OC) with the memo to drop these confusing TLAs from the get-go. I told them these acronyms needed the heave-ho, I said so: they had to go. But then they went all OTT and some guy called Joe said NO! And I was LMAO! In fact, I was ROFLMAO.

I said I'd BBL, while I LOL'ld and very quickly went AWOL.

Has this become a Spray & Wipe ad?

BTW I told my BFF about this situation and she was all like "OMG, WTF? What a bunch of mo-fos. Whatever though, TGIF". (I slapped her and we are no longer friends, as I intensely dislike people who say TGIF. You can say the whole thing if you want, spell it out: and glory be to you for being the very first human to speak publicly about your happiness at the impending end of the working week. But hey sunshine, you are NOT Robinson Crusoe and you do not have first dibs on that emotion. It is pretty much assumed knowledge that WE ALL feel the same way. So take your superfluous word-wasting and git out.

Just when you thought you had an original idea, Google images completely shoots you down in flames.

Anyway! I'm tired, it's late and laziness is making my bones seize up. So, here is a copy and pasted list of the IVF acronyms in the world today.

AF Aunt Flo, Period, or Menstrual cycle
AH Assisted Hatching
ART Assisted Reproductive Technology
BA Baby Aspirin
BBT Basal Body Temperature
BCP Birth Control Pills
Beta HCG pregnancy test
BFN Big Fat Negative
BMS Baby-making Sex
B/W, b/w Bloodwork
CCCT, CCT Clomiphene Citrate Challenge Test (Clomid Challenge Test)
CM Cervical Mucus
D&C Dilation & Curettage
DE Donor Eggs
DH Dear Husband
DW Dear Wife
DPR Days Post-Retrieval
DPT Days Post-Transfer
Dx Diagnosis
E2 Estradiol
ENDO Endometriosis
ET Embryo Transfer
FET Frozen Embryo Transfer
FRED First Response Early Detection
FSH Follicle-Stimulating Hormone
GIFT Gamete Intrafallopian Transfer
GnRH Gonadotropin-Releasing Hormone
hCG, HCG Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
hMG, HMG Human Menopausal Gonadotropin
HPT Home Pregnancy Test
HSG Hysterosalpingogram

ICSI Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection
IF Infertility
IM Intramuscular injections
IUI Intrauterine Insemination
IVF In Vitro Fertilization
IVIg Intravenous Immunoglobulin
LAP Laparoscopy
LH Luteinizing Hormone
LOL Laughing Out Loud
LPD Luteal-Phase Defect
MC, m/c Miscarriage
OHSS Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
OPK Ovulation Predictor Kit

P4 Progesterone
PCO Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
PG Pregnant
PGD Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis
PID Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
PIO Progesterone In Oil
PMS Pre-menstrual Syndrome
RE Reproductive Endocrinologist
SA Semen Analysis
S/S Signs/Symptoms
STD Sexually Transmitted Disease
SubQ Subcutaneous injection
TTC Trying To Conceive or get pregnant
Tx Treatment
US, u/s Ultrasound
2WW 2 Week Wait (from transfer until pg test)
ZIFT Zygote Intra-fallopian Transfer
Thanks to this site for the insight.

Fascinating, huh?
Although, I can't help but pull a face when I read CM...much the same reaction as BMS, haha. Oh, I am happy with the S, just there's no real BM possible in our case...shame Derryn, shame.

Well I think we have made some real progress tonight. Thank you all for coming.



Oh and BTW, AF arrived tonight. Tardy bi-arch! And, man, does she look mean this time. So, hooray, we will resume regular programming shortly.

Stand by!

1 comment:

  1. Dear Bec,
    Make that 4,373 IHAC members.
    Your blog made me LOL.
    How have we arrived at a point where our lives are so busy that we must speak in abbreviations?
    Thank you for brightening my day.